1560673_10153677084995106_788030684_nI’m back to updating this blog after a lovely week out in sunny Lanzarote.  It was my husband’s idea for us to go away as soon as possible once January 1st was here, and we flew out of the UK from Birmingham Airport on January 3rd.  When we landed in Lanzarote it was really hot and sunny and at least 22 degrees, with clear blue skies and we stayed at a hotel called TBH Flora in Puerto De Carmen.

It was the best thing my husband and I could have done.  It gave us the chance to be together for a week completely on our own.  As much as I love my parents, family and friends it did me and my husband the world of good to be together somewhere completely different where we could talk about Frankie, how we were doing and what the future will hold for us.

We thought we might go on a couple of day trips and tours, but I don’t think we realised just how tired we were and slept in till lunchtime on at least two or three of the days that we were there.  The area was lovely and the beach gorgeous, and when we got up we would walk into Puerto De Carmen and my husband would have an English breakfast at a little café called the Blue Marlin (I love English breakfasts but not fried so I can never eat them out as I feel poorly if I have fried food).  After that we would get a couple of sun loungers on the beach and relax listening to the sound of the waves, feeling the sun on our skin, talk, read and relax.  I am now a Kindle convert having borrowed my husband’s Kindle and I read 5 books in a week on it!

We also did a ton of walking,  My husband has an app on his iphone that acts as a pedometer and over the week it calculated that we’d walked over 20 miles!  Our hotel was also up a steep hill, so we had a good workout every day and I must admit that I do feel a bit fitter now, so I think all the walking did us the world of good. One day we even got as far as the airport, and my husband managed to get photos of some of the planes taking off and landing.

1558745_10153669619560106_830572911_nIn the evenings we would find a restaurant and have some dinner, then make our way back to the hotel where my husband would go through the photos he had taken during the day.  He is a keen photographer and managed to capture some of the Lanzarote sunsets perfectly.  I could almost imagine Frankie up there looking down on us, and willing us to enjoy ourselves, which we definitely tried to do as best we could.

While we were in Lanzarote my husband and I talked about the future and we have decided to try for our rainbow baby.  I’m not sure how I feel about the term “rainbow baby”, but this is what it means:

“A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.

In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.”

I am absolutely petrified of trying again, in fact I can honestly say I have never been so scared of anything in my life.  But my husband and I aren’t getting any younger, and even through Frankie had a severe chromosomal abnormality, there is every chance our next baby will be absolutely fine.  Another baby will never replace Frankie EVER, but we got so close with Frankie, and I almost feel I owe it to him to give it one final go.  If however our next baby doesn’t work out for any reason then my husband and I will definitely have to draw a line under having children, as sad as that is.

But who knows, maybe if we’re really lucky then by next Christmas we could have our rainbow baby or have one on the way.  Carpe diem as they say, and that is exactly what my husband and I are going to do – seize the day.

We have to, for Frankie’s sake.