Happy 6th birthday in heaven to my much loved and much wanted son Francesco “Frankie” Enrico Ventura. Not a day goes by no matter what I do and what I achieve where I don’t think of Frankie and what should have been.
I was supposed to be a mother…
But instead…..
I am an empty armed mother.
The life I have now is not the life that I was supposed to have. I was never supposed to be an award-winning cyber security awareness consultant. I was never supposed to be the writer, blogger, speaker and influencer in cyber security that I am today.
I was supposed to be Frankie’s Mum, and all that I do today I do and achieve in his name and his memory. And I will carry on doing those things in his name and memory.
I love you so much Frankie…..I wish you didn’t have to leave me.
A couple of years ago I wrote this poem for Frankie. I think it is sill as apt now as it was when I wrote it for him:
An Empty Armed Mother
Am I or aren’t I?
Am I a mother or not?
I DID give birth you see
But I have an empty cot
I carried my son inside me
For 33 weeks I felt him grow
I couldn’t wait for him to arrive
I loved him very much, this is so
All the things we would do together
I would sing him songs and read to him
I would tell him about sci-fi and Star Wars
I would always go out on a limb
To tell my son of the world we are in
And teach him to be good and kind
I wanted him to set an example
And grow up knowing his own mind
Instead…….
I am an empty armed mother
I am the one it happened to
No newborn to hold in my arms
No new life care for, it is true
I am one of the one in four
Who loses their babies before they are born
I am the one whose arms are empty
I am the one who feels torn
There were no children before my son
There have been none since he died
I am an empty armed mother
I have no children by my side….
