The first four months of 2015 are over, and May 1st is finally here. We are going forward to (hopefully) warmer weather and to longer nights. Summer isn’t too far away and I’m already feeling much better in myself, happier, calmer and more relaxed than I have in a long time. Wednesday this week was a tough day, because it was 17 months since Frankie was born sleeping, and on those kind of anniversaries I can’t help but think what he would be like now. But it is one day at a time, all the time.
Having done a lot of what I needed to do recently to wind down, come to terms a bit more with everything that has happened to me and stop running around like a headless chicken working myself into the ground for people that don’t even appreciate it I had a chance to have a think about what I would like to do with all the free time I now have, and I set myself the following goals:
- Writing and keeping my blog “Frankie’s Legacy” up to date, including writing a weekly “spotlight on” post.
- Sourcing and creating guest posts and interviews for my blog “Frankie’s Legacy”.
- Grow my blogging network by interacting with sites such as Mumsnet, Tots100 and Britmums amongst others.
- Find out how I can become a blogger on the Huffington Post website.
- Source and secure guest blogs on other appropriate blogs.
- Finish my book “Frankie’s Legacy: Love, Loss, Grief & Recovery” and look into getting it self-published.
- Plan and launch a campaign around the importance of communication for hospital staff and bereaved parents in Worcestershire.
- Help Mel Scott with some PR and promotion for this year’s Butterfly Awards – when I feel a bit more up to it.
- Plan and write my “Everlasting Footprints” book, which will be a collection of first-hand accounts of early pregnancy loss and stillbirth.
- Launch a website dedicated to Chromosome 15 Duplication Syndrome for the UK, as there is hardly any information about it here.
- Help with fundraising, PR and marketing for Towards Tomorrow Together.
These goals all have one thing in common – they mostly all involve writing. That way, I can be in full control, I can undertake them at my own pace, in my own time, in the comfort of my own home and behind my laptop screen. So if I have a day for example where I don’t feel up to doing much, I can simply readjust my schedule.
For years I have been doing things for other people. I co-worked on a music festival, founded a literary festival, then I went on to create Frankie’s Legacy as a charity – all for other people, not for me. I worked myself into the ground over those years, not for me but for other people who didn’t appreciate it half the time anyway. I always wanted to write and be a writer/blogger, but so much else that I was doing for other people got in the way. Well no more – I’m doing this for ME, and for me alone.
It is very sad that it took losing Frankie and all the death and loss I’ve been through since then – on top of awful betrayals by people who I thought were my friends and who I trusted – to bring me onto this path, the path that I should have been on all along. So in a way, they all did me a huge favour.
There is a saying that goes, “No need for revenge, just sit back and wait…those who hurt you will eventually screw up all by themselcves, and if you are lucky, God will let you watch.” Well I am watching. I will have the last laugh. In fact I already have, as I am the one who is relaxed, calm and enjoying life despite everything that has happened to me. I’m not running away, filling my diary up to avoid the pain or working myself into the ground for others who don’t give a damn or who don’t appreciate my efforts. I haven’t become arrogant or lost sight of myself, unlike some who run charities who have let it go to their heads. That to me is worth more than anything, and despite everything that has happened to me, I still love life and all it has to offer.
So it is onwards and upwards as always, and on with my journey…wherever it takes me. Today is the start of a “Month Of Fun”, more on this later!