ff78bed4-18d6-4987-b505-4a450e9ae82d_625x352Last Monday night I was watching TV with my husband and we started going through the channels on the Sky+ TV guide, which we do on a fairly regular basis to see what’s on.  We noticed that a new series of “One Born Every Minute” was on Channel 4, so we set it to record and watched it when we went to bed later that night.

It was hard to watch several couples going into the hospital at Bristol and coming out with their little bundles of joy, we were both quite overcome while watching it.  There was one couple where the Dad completely missed the birth, as he’d gone home to see to his other child as he was told that the labour would take a long time.  However things started to speed up really quickly so by the time he got back to the hospital, his daughter was already born, and he arrived just in time to see his wife haemorrhaging, which she had done before with their first baby.

I’d watched the previous series of One Born Every Minute and also the series about midwives on BBC1 last year, and I had no idea what any of the women were going through when they were in labour.  Boy do I know now!  I could feel every twinge, every pain and every bit of frustration that these ladies had while having their babies, because that was how I felt while having Frankie.

And then it dawned on me – although he wasn’t with me, he had given me a very precious gift – the gift of childbirth and of experiencing labour and what it was like.  I’m no longer on the outside looking in of that process and can honestly say I know hand on heart what it feels like and what it is like to give birth.

I hope that one day my time will come.  I hope that I will be lucky enough to experience childbirth again and hold a much wanted son or daughter in my arms.  It will never replace Frankie, but I have to keep going, keep trying, and despite my age hold onto a small bit of hope that I will become a proper mother one day.

But in the meantime, I’ll keep watching “One Born Every Minute” to remind myself of what the process is like.

On top of watching “One Born Every Minute”, I’ve had a very emotionally draining week so far, but it has all been worth it.  I was on Elliott Webb’s show on BBC Hereford and Worcester yesterday, and I struggled to hold it together talking about Frankie, Frankie’s Legacy and the Worcestershire.  I’ve been on the radio loads of times but this time I was really nervous.  The Worcester News also covered Frankie’s Legacy and the support group in a two page spread yesterday, which was absolutely brilliant.  I’m thrilled with all the support that what we are doing is getting.

As I’ve said before, I just hope I am up to the tasks ahead.