Apart from updates about Frankie’s Legacy as a charity, and the events that I’ve been working on to raise funds to go towards improving the delivery suite facilities at the Worcestershire Royal Hospital and other hospitals in the area, I realised that have lost sight of the original purpose of this blog. I didn’t mean to, and just because I haven’t been writing about my journey as I set about trying to recover from losing Frankie it doesn’t mean that I am better, or that I’m “over it” – quite the opposite, in fact.
August as a month is always a strange one for me. It is the summer holidays, so in the industry I’m in I notice that everything is much quieter, there are fewer events to go to, networking events cease until September and my diary is considerably less full. I am in two minds about August. On the one hand I don’t feel like “myself” and I miss the fact that my diary is less full, and on the other hand this quiet month provides me with the opportunity to reflect, relax and recharge.
We have started the process of ordering items for the first delivery suite room at the Worcestershire Royal Hospital already. We have some great events coming up later this year – Frankie Goes to Bollywood, and Frankie’s First Footsteps, to name but a few. But what about ME? How am I doing? How am I coping without Frankie? Is everything I’m doing work wise and for the charity just a cover for how I’m really feeling inside? In a word – yes.
We have been trying to get pregnant again since I had my last miscarriage, but no luck yet. I wish I had time to wait, to let my body sort itself out on its own, but given I am going to be 41 in October this year, I cannot afford to waste a single month. I hear pregnancy announcements, birth announcements and all kinds of things to do with pregnancy, being pregnant and having children and I desperately want to be part of what seems to me to be an elite “club” that everyone is really lucky to be part of, except me. I’m not part of the parenthood club. I am an outsider, ostracised, cast out, the black sheep.
I have also been reflecting on just how much work I’ve been doing, and how many projects I’m working on, and I’ve done a bit of an audit. I’ve put many of them on hold, and I’ve also been looking at Frankie’s Legacy, and the Worcestershire Bereavement Support Group, and deciding how best to take everything I want to do to raise as much awareness as possible of early pregnancy loss, stillbirth and neonatal dealth, cleft lip/palate and rare chromosome disorders.
So, taking everything in turn, I’ll start with the Worcestershire Bereavement Support Group. This had to go on hold from June, as my father in law passed away on June 5th, and while it wasn’t a decision that my husband and I took lightly we decided not to run any meetings in June, July and August, with a view to returning September/October. We were in no fit state to be able to support anyone else at that time when we were still grieving immensely for Frankie, and also for his Grandad. So for us at that time, it was the best thing.
We will be restarting meetings soon and have come up with a new name, as we felt that the Worcestershire Bereavement Support Group was a bit of a mouthful and was also a bit “cold” as a name, if that makes sense. I have now come up with “Everlasting Footprints – providing support to those affected by early pregnancy loss, stillbirth and neonatal death”. The meetings will still be once a month and in a new venue. I will also be launching a closed/secret facebook group, and offering support via Skype/telephone and 1-2-1 support when time allows. Resources are limited, but I will do what I can.
Then there is this blog. It will go back to how I originally intended it, a place for me to write about how I am feeling, how I am coping and to share things and raise awareness of early pregnancy loss, stillbirth and neonatal death. For updates and blog entries about Frankie’s Legacy as a charity, please visit http://www.frankieslegacy.org.uk/latest-news/. I have a lot of catch up to do, so please bear with me while I write up everything that has happened to me in the last few months.
Frankie’s Legacy as a charity, no real changes to this, we continue to work hard raising funds to improve the delivery suite facilities at the Worcestershire Royal Hospital and to raise as much awareness as possible of early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal death, cleft lip/palate and rare chromosome disorders. All information about this and what we’re doing will continue to be on www.frankieslegacy.org.uk.
Finally, I have decided that I am going to write two books. The first one will be called Frankie’s Legacy: A Story Of Love, Loss, Grief & Recovery”, which is my story from pregnancy loss, to being pregnant with Frankie, to losing Frankie and giving birth to him, and beyond. A part of any money made from this book will go to Frankie’s Legacy the charity, and I hope to have this out as an ebook and a printed book in time for Frankie’s birthday – 29th November 2014.
The second book will be called “Everlasting Footprints”, in which parents who have lost a baby tell their stories, and how they survived an early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or neonatal death. I will be asking parents who have sadly suffered an early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or neonatal death if they want to share their stories for inclusion in the book, and I hope that this will be released in Spring 2015.
So that’s me, up to date (sort of). This blog will be updated more frequently in the days ahead as I continue my journey in life….without my precious Frankie. Through it all I am still so immensely grateful for all the support I’ve had from you all, you have no idea what it means to me. I love you all.