Frankie’s funeral was on Thursday 5th December 2013.  On Friday 6th December 2013 the funeral directors A V Band brought him home.  He has been with us ever since in his room, surrounded by some things to keep him safe – a German Shepherd toy that looks like Curley to guard him, a St Christopher from his Nanny Ventura to help him on his journey, a beautiful star with his name on it from The Lily Mae Foundation, a beautiful angel teddy with his name on it from his cousin Natasha, a small teddy bear from the memory box that was given to us from Towards Tomorrow Together, a decoration for the Christmas tree from Lisa Clarke of Towards Tomorrow Together and my rosary beads.  We have an electronic candle that we turn on at night for him, so he’s not afraid of the dark, which changes into different colours.

The plan is that we would lay Frankie to rest with his Great-Grandad Antonio Ventura in St John’s Cemetery in Worcester, and we have even gone as far as to get the paperwork sorted out and signed ready for this to take place.  But the truth is, I just can’t bring myself to do it.  Nor can my husband.

We take a lot of comfort knowing that Frankie is in his room with us, and I know it would feel strange if he was suddenly not there anymore.  Plus there is the “letting go” aspect, which by having him laid to rest with his Great Grandad would mean that he would be out of our lives and out of our minds.  I know that is nonsense, as we will think of Frankie every day, but whenever I try to think about this last final act that we need to do, I freeze and I just can’t do it.

I want to create a forever bed for Frankie, so I would be very keen to hear how others who have been in the same situation as me have handled it.  How long was it before you made the decision that we are now faced with?  When you did make it, did it feel like it was the right thing to do?  I’m really torn with what to do for the best on this.

It has been nearly a year and a half, so surely we should think about having him laid to rest sooner rather than later.

I just wish I could feel ready for Frankie to not be in the house with us anymore.