Throwback to this day in 2013, I was 27 weeks pregnant with my much loved and wanted son Frankie after having 6 early miscarriages 😢😢 this photo got me right in the feels this morning 😢😢

I knew at this point in my pregnancy that he had severe disabilities including a cleft lip and palate which according to my specialist was “the worst he had ever seen” and non-positional talipes which meant he would never walk. So I was preparing for a life of being a 24-hour round the clock mother to my son. I might be smiling in this photo, but I was masking the fact that I had never been so scared in all my life.

I was scared I didn’t have the ability to look after my Frankie with the extent of his disabilities.

Scared for his future as a disabled person.

Scared I would fail him as his mother.

Instead….

….Frankie was born sleeping on 29 November 2013 😢😢

And despite all the trauma I’ve been through since then (and it has been significant) which saw me almost take my own life on several occasions (seriously), and following a further 4 early pregnancy losses on top of the 6 I had before him, I’ve made the best of not being a mother….somehow.

I went on as an empty armed mother to have an incredible career in which would see me being awarded an MBE by King Charles III in his first birthday honours list in June 2023 for services to cyber security and DEIB, and winning The Princess Royal’s WISE Lifetime Achievement award amongst others. Despite the haters, or maybe because of them, I’ve achieved things that I could only dream of, like writing a book on the intersection of AI and cyber security which spawned the idea to launch a new membership body and trade association for this critical area, the AI and Cyber Security Association 🖥💻

I found out I am neurodivergent with autism, ADHD, dyspraxia and dyscalculia which explained SO much about me and the way I am🧠🧠

I went through significant bullying, abuse and trauma at the hands of those who should have known better and who should have loved me unconditionally, but didn’t 😭😭

I am a Mummy to my furbaby Poppy who I love so much, she is my support dog in every way 🐾🐾

I have an incredible support network with so many amazing people in my life ❤️❤️

If you had told the me in this photo that all of this would happen from when it was taken on this day in October 2013 to now, I would have said, nope, no way, you’re having a laugh!

But it did all happen.

Funny old world innit 😢😢❤️❤️

Not everyone gets their happy ending and gets to be parents, but it is what you do with the hand that you’ve been dealt with that counts.

I hope I’ve made that hand count in all that I do ♥️ ♥️

BabyLossAwarenessMonth
SayTheirName
NeverForget
IAmThe1In4
EmptyArmedMother