Yesterday afternoon, the annual Not Out of Mind service took place at St Peter’s Church in Worcester to mark Baby Loss Awareness Month. I have gone every single year since I lost Frankie to stillbirth on 29 November 2013, apart from the years during the pandemic when the service did not go ahead.

This year, after a lot of thought, I decided to stay at home instead.

I want to be clear about what this decision means, because I know how easily choices like this can get misread by other people. Staying away from the service does not mean I love Frankie any less, and my love for him has not faded one bit in all the years since I lost him. Nor does staying away mean I have “got over” losing him. I have not got over his loss, and I never will. I will never get over being an “empty armed mother” and not having Frankie here with me, or get over the fact I have no living children. Grief after stillbirth does not follow a timetable or come with an end date, and mine is as much a part of me today as on the day he was born.

What has changed is simpler than people might think. I no longer need a service, a date in the calendar or a particular building to remember my son, because I remember Frankie every day without fail. For many years the service gave me a place to put my grief at a time when I did not know where else to put it, and I will always be grateful for the comfort I found there. These days I carry Frankie with me wherever I go, in everything I do.

So yesterday I stayed at home with Poppy working on the AI and Cyber Security Association as I get ready for the launch of it next week, with plenty still to do before then. Some people might find this an odd way to spend the afternoon of a memorial service, but for me it felt right. I felt calm, I felt close to Frankie, and I knew he was in my heart and my thoughts while I worked on something I believe so passionately in.

A Very Busy Year So Far, And A Quiet Blog

2026 has not panned out in the way I thought it would, and as a result I have barely written anything for “Frankie’s Legacy” this year. I started the year blindsided by the sudden loss of my beloved friend Simon, something I can’t believe has happened even now. On top of that, 2026 has been the busiest year of my career so far, and some weeks have felt as though there were not enough hours in the day to fit everything in that I needed to do.

For most of the year I have worked as a Security Awareness Consultant for several organisations, building and running security awareness programmes, designing campaigns for Cyber Security Awareness Month and helping people across whole businesses understand the part they play in keeping their organisation safe. On top of all of this, my book, “Artificial Intelligence in Cyber Security,” came out with Kogan Page in April, which was a huge milestone for me after many months of writing and editing. Every spare hour since then has gone into the AICSA, which has grown into a thriving community of individual, organisation and student members before we have even fully launched.

Staying Close to Home

All this work has meant something else too, because I have been to hardly any conferences and events this year, far fewer than I would usually attend. But work wasn’t the reason for this. I decided at the start of this year that I wouldn’t do any in person speaking engagements, and I would only go to conferences and events as a delegate. This turned out to be a VERY wise decision, because the few things I had planned my beloved Poppy was ill, and there was no way I was going to leave her. On top of that, we had the hottest year on record and as someone who suffers from extreme heat sensitivity this meant all I could do was hole up at home with my new air conditioning system going like the clappers (something I had the foresight to have installed in early June this year, and which turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life).

Most of my work now happens from home so I can be closer to Poppy and with my air conditioning system should I need it, and while I have missed seeing people in person, I have come to love the quieter rhythm of home and the time I get to spend with Poppy each day. She will be 13 next month, and I am acutely aware that time is not on her side. The time I am spending with her at home is beyond precious, as I know she won’t be with me forever.

One event I did make was special beyond words. On 28 September I travelled to London for the WISE Awards at the Institution of Engineering and Technology at Savoy Place, where I received The Princess Royal’s WISE Lifetime Achievement Award, and had the chance to meet HRH The Princess Royal. I felt proud, honoured and humbled in equal measure, and I am still taking in the moment a few weeks on. I thought about Frankie as I stood there, because everything I do carries a little of him, and I like to think he was with me in the room.

Bringing Frankie’s Legacy Back to Life

Frankie’s Legacy as a blog and resource has been much quieter than I would like this year, and I have felt guilty about the silence here for a while now. I am working on changing this, because this blog carries my son’s name, and I want this space to stay active and welcoming for anyone who finds their way here after losing a baby or are coming to terms with grief and loss.

Over the coming months you will see more from me on this blog. Some posts will be about Frankie and the memories I hold of him. Some will be about grief and how grief shifts and changes over the years, and others will cover the practical side of life after baby loss. If there is a topic you would like me to write about, please get in touch, as I would love to hear from you.

I Am Always Still a Mother

If you went to a service this Baby Loss Awareness Month, I hope you found comfort and connection there with other parents who understand. If you stayed at home like me, please know your love for your baby counts every bit as much, because there is no right or wrong way to remember the children we have lost.

I am still a mother, and Frankie is still my son. I hope he was up there looking down on me with pride yesterday, as I hope he does every day.

With love,

Lisa xx