It’s been over five years since I last wrote here. Five years of silence on this blog, the blog that means the most to me. Five years since I shared the intimate journey of being an empty armed mother, of navigating grief, of honouring my Frankie’s memory.

But the silence wasn’t because I forgot. It wasn’t because the pain lessened or because Frankie’s legacy became less important. If anything, the opposite happened. Life became fuller, more complex, more demanding, and somewhere in that chaos, I lost my way back to this space – the place where I could be most honest, most vulnerable, most me.

So, I’m back. And I have so much to tell you.

But first, for anyone who has found their way here and are reading this not knowing what happened to me in November 2013, you might be wondering one thing….

Who is Frankie?

Francesco “Frankie” Enrico Ventura is my only son. He was born sleeping on November 29, 2013, when I was 33 weeks pregnant with him. He was much loved and much wanted; he was a baby I had waited for, dreamed about, and prepared for with all the hope and joy that comes with expecting your first child. I’d had 6 early miscarriages before I was pregnant with Frankie with my ex-wife, so when I got past the 6 week mark, then 8 weeks, then the magic 12 weeks, then 20 weeks, I dared to dream and hope that I would finally be the thing I had longed for more than anything in the world – a mother.

But it wasn’t to be.

In September 2013 at my five month scan, I found out I was expecting a son and he was named Francesco “Frankie” Enrico Ventura, after my Dad. But at the same scan I was told, along with my husband Russell, Frankie’s Daddy, that he had a severe cleft lip and palate, which hit us both like a bolt out of the blue. I was referred for further scans at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham where not only was his severe cleft lip and palate confirmed, but we were also told he had non-positional talipes (club foot) meaning he would never walk. All my hopes and dreams went dashing out of the window with this news, I was scared to death for Frankie’s future, but I did my best to prepare for life as a full-time mother, and by full-time I don’t just mean going on maternity leave for a bit. I mean being a 24 hour round the clock carer for my son who had significant disabilities.

In addition to all this we were told his nuchal fluid levels at the back of his neck were off the charts high. A normal nuchal fluid reading is 3.5mm, but Frankie’s measured 8.2mm. This put him at significant risk of having a chromosomal abnormality or physical problem, so this reading together with his severe cleft lip and palate and non-positional talipes led me to having an amniocentesis test.

A few days after I had the test, we had amazing news – Frankie did not have Downs Syndrome, Patau’s Syndrome or Edwards Syndrome. We were told that although the full culture from the amniocentesis test wouldn’t be back for other couple of weeks, it was very unlikely indeed that there was anything else to worry about. So, I set about preparing his room for his arrival at home. I talked to him, sang to him, and planned all the things we would do together. I imagined teaching him about Star Wars and sci-fi, reading him stories, and watching him discover the world. I wanted him to grow up knowing his own mind, to be good and kind, and to set an example for others.

But those plans never came to be.

Two weeks later the full culture from the amniocentesis test was back, and it was absolutely devastating news. Frankie had a chromosome abnormality that was so rare it was just called “Chromosome 15 Duplication Syndrome.” As I sat in a room at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham with my husband and numerous specialists including a geneticist, and foetal medical specialist, and I heard them reel of the sheer number of things that would be wrong with him, and the realisation that he would be profoundly physically and mentally disabled, my head was spinning. How could this happen to my son, to my Frankie? What did I do to cause this? What could I have done differently?

And so, Frankie never took a breath outside my body.

Instead of bringing home a newborn, I became what I call an “empty armed mother” – one of the one in four women who lose their babies before they are born. There were no children before Frankie, and there have been none since. My arms remain empty, but my heart remains full of love for the son I never got to raise.

On 29 November 2013, Frankie was born sleeping, and my life changed, as did I, forever.

Life Post-Frankie – From 29 November 2013 to Today

The life I have now is not the life I was supposed to have. I was supposed to be Frankie’s Mum – full stop. That was meant to be my identity, my purpose and my greatest joy. I was never supposed to be a cyber security specialist, never supposed to be awarded the MBE I have or won the awards that grace the shelves in my office. I was never supposed to be the writer and speaker that I am today.

When Frankie died, a part of me died too. The future I had imagined – the school runs, the birthday parties, the scraped knees and bedtime stories – all of it vanished in an instant. I was left with a grief so profound that it fundamentally changed who I am. Every mother who loses a child knows this transformation. You become someone different. You carry an invisible weight that never fully lifts.

But from that unimaginable loss, I made a choice: if I couldn’t be Frankie’s mother in the way I’d planned, I would be his mother through honouring his legacy. Everything I have achieved since 2013 – every person I’ve helped, every awareness campaign I’ve run, every vulnerable conversation I’ve had about loss and grief – I do in his name and his memory. I decided that although Frankie was a small pebble dropped into the lake of life, I would make sure his ripple would be felt forever.

Where Life Has Taken Me Since 2020

When I last wrote here on 29 November 2020, I was building a career in cyber security, channelling my grief and my energy into making the online world safer for others. I was creating something meaningful from the ashes of what should have been. I was honouring Frankie the only way I knew how – by being the best version of myself that I could be.

Since then, my life has accelerated in ways I could never have imagined.

I was diagnosed as autistic, and from that moment on so much made sense about me and the way I am. This took me full circle to when Frankie was diagnosed with Chromosome 15 Duplication Syndrome, as not only would he have had significant physical disabilities, where there are any problems with chromosome 15 autism is always present. Genetic tests done after Frankie was born revealed that the duplication on his chromosome 15 had come from the maternal part of the chromosome i.e., he had inherited it from me. I blamed myself for the longest time for this, thinking that I must have done something wrong to cause it.

Armed with this new knowledge about my own neurodiversity, I was subsequently diagnosed with ADHD, dyspraxia and dyscalculia as well as having my autism diagnosis re-confirmed in January 2023. Finally, all the pieces of the puzzle had been put together. I knew exactly why I had struggled throughout my life so much in so many ways.

Back in 2015 I founded the UK Cyber Security Association. I was in high demand through this but made the decision to close it down in 2021 after the most horrendous experience of bullying and abuse from someone I trusted to help me grow and develop it. I was so traumatised from the experience that I almost left the cyber security industry altogether. Instead, I took a role at the UK Cyber Security Council, though that chapter was brief for various reasons – from October 2021 to June 2022. It taught me valuable lessons about where I belonged and where my voice could have the greatest impact. This experience led me to founding Cyber Security Unity, a global volunteer community initiative that embodies everything I believe about bringing people together, creating inclusive spaces, and making cyber security accessible to everyone. It’s the spiritual successor to the UK Cyber Security Association, but bigger, more ambitious, more me.

Then in November 2024 I was commissioned by Kogan Page Publishers to write a book on the intersection of AI and Cyber Security. As I embarked on the research for this book, and as I started to write the chapters, I had the idea for the AI and Cyber Security Association. I also expanded on Cyber Security Unity to create Neuro Unity to promote and champion neuroinclusion for all, and AI Unity.

I’ve continued to run Unity Group Solutions, my cyber security consultancy, helping organisations understand that security isn’t just about technology, it’s about people. It’s about creating environments where people feel safe to learn, safe to ask questions, and safe to admit mistakes. I work with organisations to train their staff to be much more cyber aware, and this year has been the busiest I’ve ever had thanks to all the cyber attacks the UK has had so far including Marks and Spencer’s, the Coop, Harrods, North Face, Pandora, Cartier, Jaguar Land Rover…the list goes on.

Then Everything Changed….

In June 2023, something happened that I still struggle to believe is real. I was awarded an MBE by King Charles III in his first birthday honours list for services to cyber security and to diversity, equity, belonging and inclusion.

An MBE.

Me.

The empty armed mother who was never supposed to be a cyber security professional at all.

I stood in front of King Charles III on 18 December 2023 in Windsor Castle accepting my MBE from him, and all I could think was: “Frankie, this is for you. This is all for you.” I talked to King Charles who was very clued up and knowledgeable about cyber-attacks and AI; he told me he was “frightfully concerned” about all the cyber crime and that he was very glad there are “people like me” working hard to combat it and raise awareness of the growing cyber threat. I promised him I would continue my work as long as I had breath in my body, and I hope I am making good on that promise.

Then on 1 May 2025 I became a Fellow of the Chartered Institute for IT Security (FCIIS), a recognition that still feels surreal when I see those letters after my name: Lisa Ventura MBE FCIIS.

My Work Continues

Throughout this time, I’ve been working on building comprehensive security awareness programs from the ground up. I’ve established phishing simulation programs, created security champion networks, and even developed innovative approaches like cyber escape rooms. This work gives me purpose. It lets me protect others in a way that I couldn’t protect my Frankie.

I’ve also expanded into trauma-focused therapy work and coaching, specifically for CISOs – Chief Information Security Officers – who carry impossible burdens and navigate their own forms of grief and loss in the high-stakes world of cyber security. My neurodivergence, my unconventional career path, my experience with trauma and loss – all of it has equipped me to help others in ways I never anticipated.

Writing my book “Artificial Intelligence in Cyber Security” for Kogan Page Publishing is a project that combines my journalism background with my cyber security expertise, and my ability to translate complex technical concepts into accessible language. Working on it while working full-time, while managing my consultancy, while running a global community initiative, while still processing my grief that never really goes away – it’s been challenging. But I’ve learned that I can carry multiple truths at once: I can be successful and still grieving. I can be honoured and still empty armed. I can build Frankie’s legacy while acknowledging that none of it replaces what I’ve lost.

Why Am I’m Back Now?

So why return to Frankie’s Legacy now? Why break five years of silence?

I’m back because I’ve realised something important. All the professional achievements, all the recognition, all the impact I’ve made in cyber security – none of it matters if I lose touch with the core of who I am. And the core of who I am is Frankie’s Mum.

I’ve been honoured as a cyber security professional. I’ve been recognised for my work in diversity, equity, belonging and inclusion. I’ve helped organisations around the world improve their security awareness. But this blog, this space, this is where I can be most honest about the cost of it all. This is where I can acknowledge that every achievement is bittersweet. This is where I can say: I would trade it all, every single bit of it, to hold my Frankie in my arms.

I’m also back because I know there are others out there who need to hear that you can survive the unsurvivable. That you can build something meaningful from loss. That being an empty armed mother doesn’t mean you stop being a mother – you just mother differently. You mother through legacy. You mother through meaning. You mother through making the world better than it was.

What’s Next for Me?

I’m still running Unity Group Solutions and Cyber Security Unity. I’m preparing to launch the AI and Cyber Security Association in 2026. My book “Artificial Intelligence in Cyber Security: How to Harness AI to Defend Your Organisation and Avoid Threats” will be published by Kogan Page in April 2026. I’m still navigating this strange, unexpected life that I’ve built in Frankie’s name.

But I’m also coming back to this space. Back to writing honestly about grief and loss. Back to raising awareness about stillbirth, baby loss, cleft lip and palate, and rare chromosome disorders. Back to being vulnerable in a world that often demands I be polished and professional. In 2026 Frankie’s story will be told in “Frankie’s Legacy: Love, Loss, Grief and Recovery”, a book that I believe will give hope to those who read it.

Because Frankie deserves this space. His legacy deserves my honesty and my being raw and unfiltered about what my life has been like since he was born sleeping. And perhaps there are others out there who need to know that you can be broken and still build something beautiful. You can be grieving and still be successful. You can be an empty armed mother and still create a legacy that ripples outward, touching lives you’ll never meet.

My Frankie was born sleeping on November 29, 2013. He had a severe cleft lip and palate, talipes, and chromosome 15 duplication syndrome. He never took a breath outside my body. But his impact on this world has been profound.

Everything I do, I do in his name. Every person and business I help when it comes to navigating cyber-attacks and staying safe online, every inclusive space I create, every person I reach through my writing or speaking – it’s all part of Frankie’s legacy. And now, I’m back to writing about it here, where it belongs, and I’ll be writing about it in “Frankie’s Legacy: Love, Loss, Grief and Recovery” for release in 2026.

There is still so much I want to say. So much awareness that I want to raise. So much still to share about what has happened to me over the last five years or so, and share it I will. I’ve been through the most horrific bullying and abuse at the hands of those who should have loved me unconditionally, which broke me completely. I’ve been suicidal many times because of this as a result. There were days that I honestly didn’t know how I would keep going, and yet I’m still here, I’m still fighting and I’m still alive…somehow.

On 29 November 2025 Frankie would have been 12 years old. It feels right and fitting to be restarting this blog in time for his 12^th birthday, and also in line with my being a guest on the Everlasting Parenthood baby loss podcast, something I am recording next week on Tuesday. I will share when the podcast is live so you can listen to me talking about Frankie if you wish.

Welcome back to Frankie’s Legacy. Welcome back to the messy, honest, raw truth of being an empty armed mother and loving someone you never got to keep.

I’ve missed this space. I’ve missed you. And I’ve missed being able to say: I’m Frankie’s Mum, and this is our story.

Lisa Ventura MBE FCIIS

Cyber Security Awareness Specialist, Journalist, Writer and Speaker
Founder, Unity Group Solutions
Founder, AI and Cyber Security Association
Founder, Neuro Unity
Founder, Cyber Security Unity
Author, “Artificial Intelligence in Cyber Security: How to Harness AI to Defend Your Organisation and Avoid Threats ” (forthcoming, Kogan Page Publishers)
Trauma-Focused Coach for CISOs and Cyber Security Professionals

But most importantly….I am Frankie’s Mummy xx