I have so much I want to write about, I want to document everything that happened since November 25th, I want to write about Frankie’s birth and how I felt, I want to write about holding him in my arms, I want to write about how he just looked like he was sleeping when he was born, I want to write about his beautiful baptism, I want to write about how I felt having to leave Frankie in the hospital and walk out with just a memory box instead of my gorgeous son, I want to write about how I felt having to organise his funeral, I want to write about his funeral. I want to write about the small charity I’m going to set up next year in his name, and the aims and ideals of that charity. I want to write about the time I spent with Diana Street (www.peacefulharmony.co.uk) last week and brainstorming everything I want to do, and putting it all in priority order, at her suggestion. I want to write about the love, compassion and support I, my husband and my family have had and all the emails, messages, flowers and cards we’ve received. I’ve done my very best to keep up to date with them all and reply to everyone who has taken the time to write to us, and I hope I haven’t missed anyone out.
There is so much that I want to write about, and so much I want to celebrate about my son’s short existence, but I can’t seem to get started right now. I have the whole thing in my head, but the words won’t come. I’m so tired and lethargic today, and I know the words won’t come to me right now, but I thought if I could at least get started with just one blog entry now, the rest will hopefully follow over the course of this week.
The Rev’d David Southall wrote this lovely entry on his blog http://revdavidsouthall.com/2013/12/10/the-post-i-never-wanted-to-write/ – and it seems I’m not the only one struggling to know what to write. As Frankie’s mother I want to make sure I document it all so that his memory and his legacy doesn’t die and that he lives on.
I had a letter published in the Worcester News last Friday, it was only a small thing I could do to say thank you for all the care and treatment I had when Frankie was born. I wish I could do more to express how grateful I am to everyone for everything, no matter how small, but at the moment all I can do is take things one day at a time.
Tomorrow I have a few things I want to do. I need to get a couple of christmas presents for my husband in the morning, visit an old friend and attend the Worcestershire Royal Hospital and Herefordshire and Worcestershire Chamber of Commerce carol services. But I hope after tomorrow that the words will come and I’ll be able to get this blog up to date – for Frankie’s sake.